Unlearning The Burden of Over Giving

Can you remember the moment you internalized that you were a burden?

Because so often, it was many small moments that started when we were young. And it’s not necessarily that we were surrounded by “bad” people, but rather, it was small moments that we internalized, moments when our parents or caretakers may have been too busy, too overwhelmed, too broken themselves to give what we were asking for.

In those moments, they were simply limited, and our child mind didn’t understand. Instead, it made a decision that felt like safety:
If I don’t ask for anything, I can’t be disappointed and they won’t be upset.
If I give instead of ask, maybe they’ll stay, and maybe they’ll even be happy.

And just like that, the pattern of over giving begins.

You grow up learning to anticipate needs before they’re spoken.

You fix, soothe, manage, and overextend, all because you’re trying to create safety in a world that once felt unsafe.

And yet, here’s the quiet cost of that survival strategy:
You teach everyone around you that you’re fine.
You teach them that you don’t need help.
You teach them how to take from you.

And in doing so, you reinforce to yourself that receiving, even the basics like love, support, care, is something dangerous.

I remember the first time that I truly felt on my own.

My dad was in the hospital after a stroke. I was working long hours during the day, then driving back and forth to the hospital every night, and trying to keep everything together. One night, I finally looked at the people around me and said, “I need help. I can’t keep doing this alone.”

Most nodded in understanding. One person even took my hands and said empathetically, “You’re right; it’s not fair to you.”

And yet, no one was willing to show up and help in any capacity. After all, I had spent years of my life teaching them that I didn’t need help, and worse, that I always had more to give.

And in that moment, I realized how lonely, and even how dangerous, it can be to take yourself out of the natural flow of giving and receiving.

And thankfully, this does not have to be permanent.

Healing this pattern doesn’t need to start with forcing yourself to “say no” or to “set boundaries.” Often well intended, this can instead kick up a lot of internal fear, which in turn can trigger feelings of defensiveness, anger, and shame.

Instead, healing starts with tending to the part of you who learned that needing was dangerous in the first place.

The part who believed he or she had to be small, easy, uncomplaining.
The part who still flinches when someone offers support.
The part who says, “No, I’ve got it,” when what he or she really means is, “Please, stay.”

That’s the part who needs your love the most.

This week inside The Lucid Hour, our new hypnotic audio is all about this: meeting the internal part of you who still feels like a burden or obligation.

Because as you grow into the version of you who is empowered through connection, who can ask for help, and receive with gratitude, you can trust that you can easily step into the natural flow of giving and receiving.

Because you were never too much.
You were never a burden.

And now, you get to unlearn that story, one breath, one boundary, and one safe receiving moment at a time.

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Next week inside The Lucid Hour, our hypnotic audio goes even deeper, healing the shame and guilt that often surface once you begin to receive. Because it’s not just about feeling safe to receive, it’s about knowing you deserve to.