When you’re used to helping, fixing, caring, or doing, having something, or someone, simply show up ready to meet you can feel destabilizing, almost like a quiet loss of identity.

Because if you’re not the one holding everything together, then who are you now?

When you’re used to helping, fixing, caring, or doing, having something, or someone, simply show up ready to meet you can feel destabilizing, almost like a quiet loss of identity.

Because if you’re not the one holding everything together…

who are you now?

There’s a particular kind of shame that hides in the most capable people.

The ones who always show up, who make it look easy, who rarely, if ever, ask for anything in return.

It’s the shame of needing, of wanting, of being seen as “too much.”

Can you remember the moment you internalized that you were a burden?

Because so often, it was many small moments that started when we were young. And it’s not necessarily that we were surrounded by “bad” people, but rather, it was small moments that we internalized, moments when our parents or caretakers may have been too busy, too overwhelmed, too broken themselves to give what we were asking for.

In those moments, they were simply limited, and our child mind didn’t understand. Instead, it made a decision that felt like safety:
If I don’t ask for anything, I can’t be disappointed and they won’t be upset.
If I give instead of ask, maybe they’ll stay, and maybe they’ll even be happy.

And just like that, the pattern of over giving begins.

Every cycle in nature depends on balance. The tide moves in and out. The heartbeat contracts and expands. The breath flows both ways. And yet somewhere along the way, many of us learned that receiving wasn’t safe. That it came with a price, a hook, or a hidden expectation.

Maybe you learned that when someone gave to you, they later used it against you. Maybe “help” came with control. Maybe “love” meant debt. And so, you became the strong one. The giver. The one who never asks, who never needs, who never inconveniences anyone.

But cutting yourself off from receiving doesn’t make you strong; it makes you disconnected from life’s rhythm.

She was exhausted. Always caring for others, always giving more than she had, always managing every detail because she thought “no one else could.”

And yet, she longed for someone to show up for her. To support her. To let her lean back and rest.

The unfortunate truth is that when you give and give without balance, you don’t actually attract more generosity back. You often attract the opposite: people who take. And no matter how much you give, your own needs remain unmet.

I didn’t see it for years, because like so many givers, I told myself, “It’s fine, I don’t need anything back.”

The child brain doesn’t interpret life events through the same lens of logic and context that we as adults do. As children, we are meaning-making machines. We store every experience as evidence of “what love means” or “what I need to do to be safe and cared for.”

Most of us live in the larger expanse of what we don’t even know we don’t know, which is the uncharted territory of possibility and growth. Feeling lost or insufficient isn’t failure; it’s a sign that you’re ready to move into that new unknown.

Hypnosis isn’t just about rewiring thoughts.

It’s about creating a safe, sacred space to process what’s been buried, to feel what was never felt, and to unfreeze what got stuck.

Because emotions are not the problem.

It’s actually unprocessed emotion that creates stagnation, sadness, and sometimes, misery.

And here’s what I believe: The tree that grows the tallest also grows the deepest roots.

The more grounded you are in your ability to feel, the more resilient and alive you become.

You don’t have to hustle or force your way into wealth. Your nervous system doesn’t respond to pressure; it responds to permission.

These small moments can begin to soften the fear, unravel the old loops, and create a new internal atmosphere of calm, trust, and quiet receiving.

Especially during your formative years as a child, your brain created a series of neural pathways that can zip throughout your body in less than a second. It works with your nervous system to direct you and keep you in situations that you are already familiar with. Because you know what to expect, you know how to react, and you’re already comfortable with a certain level of disappointment.

For your brain, this is considered safe.

Dreams are safe because they don’t ask anything of us. Until we are confronted with them. And when that moment comes, we often back away. Not because we don’t want it, but because it asks us to step into something unfamiliar. Something bigger.

And that means confronting the question we don’t always know we’re asking: Who am I to do something like that?

Because once the dream gets real, you’re no longer dreaming. You’re growing. You’re visible. You’re in motion.

If you've ever felt this, this moment where one small thing hijacks your peace, then you already know: This is not about a grumpy, old man.

This is about how our brains and nervous systems are wired. Because they’re wired for vigilance.

From an evolutionary standpoint, we survive better when we remember what might hurt us. The brain prioritizes threats, even small ones, because that’s what keeps us safe.

If I didn’t have access to a hypnotist, there are three things I would do every day to connect with my unconscious mind.

Because your unconscious is speaking to you. Every day. Every hour. It’s shaping how you move, how you feel, what you notice, and what you fear. And if you’re not consciously learning how to listen, it can feel like you’re just drifting through life - or worse, like you’re stuck.

Your neural networks are like roads running through your brain and body. Every habit, belief, and emotional response travels along these roads. The more you use a road, the faster and more automatic it becomes.

If you struggle to visualize, or if your own mind stops you when you try, it’s not because you lack imagination.

It’s because a part of you believes it’s not safe to see the vision through.

Your unconscious mind is speaking to you all the time. Yet most people don’t recognize the language it speaks.

Understanding the unconscious mind is like learning a new language because it doesn’t communicate the way your logical mind does, and this is where most people get stuck.

They expect clear answers, direct insights, and obvious solutions, but the unconscious doesn’t work like that. It speaks in symbols, emotions, and fragments of memories.

Hypnosis is the bridge that allows you to communicate and translate.

Maybe you followed the rules. Maybe you broke them.

Either way, the message was clear: who you are isn’t always acceptable.

The world will shape you if you let it. And without realizing it, sometimes you do. You start dimming certain parts of yourself. Softening your edges. Editing your own thoughts before you say them. Until one day, you wake up and wonder, "Wait. Who am I?"